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Table of Contents


Excerpt from Chapter One

ROCD Resources

"I Think It Moved"
Article by Steven Phillipson, PhD
regarding relationship substantiation
(Scroll toward the
bottom of linked page for
relationship-substantiating behaviors)

Stuck in a Doorway
Message forum for OCD
has threads regarding Relationship OCD
Message forum for OCD
has threads regarding ROCD

OCD Resources

OC Foundation
Obsessive-Compulsive Foundation

National Institute of Mental Health: Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder


Sleeping with ROCD

Power for the Co-Sufferers of
Relationship OCD

By D. M. Kay

Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, otherwise known as "ROCD" or "Relationship OCD", is an unofficial term for a form of obsessive-compulsive disorder that is defined by the behavior of "relationship substantiation".
In relationships, ROCD appears through the behavior of the sufferer's cyclic indecision regarding whether he or she is with the right partner, or questioning whether love is present.
Partners are often subject to several difficult or painful circumstances. They may hear that they are not loved, that certain features or perceived flaws prevent the ROCD sufferer from being able to love them, and other hurtful declarations. In common cases,either break-ups occur often in one relationship, or the sufferer has experienced repeated failed relationships.
Unfortunately, since this problem is often overlooked or undetected in relationships, Relationship OCD remains untreated. It likely occurs in many more cases than reported and affected relationships fail under the assumption that partners are incompatible. This is rarely the case, however ROCD causes the sufferer to believe that because the partner does not fit a certain profile, the partner must not be compatible or worthy of remaining in the relationship. This "profile" is usually made up of minute details and idealistic standards that are abnormal and irrational.
Partners this kind of relationship will experience rejection for reasons that seem ridiculous,causing much confusion, hurt feelings, and, sometimes, devastation. The unfortunate outcome for many ROCD relationships is separation, either because the sufferer successfully ended the relationship, or the partner leaves because of the abuse.
In cases where ROCD is identified, it is usually because the partner senses something is not right and researches behaviors, or the sufferer realizes patterns and seeks help. If the sufferer has other obsessive-compulsive disorder traits, Relationship OCD is usually easier to identify. In cases where Relationship OCD is identified,relationships have a better chance of avoiding dissolution. This outcome is dependent on the partner's understanding of ROCD, and the sufferer's choice to recognize and address the problem.
"Sleeping with ROCD: Power for the Co-Sufferer of Relationship OCD" was written with the partners in mind. It helps partners identify ROCD, other OCD traits that may be present,and learn possible causes for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. This may give some comfort in knowing that it isn't the partner, but something completely separate. The book helps partners develop strategies to minimize emotional damage which often occurs in ROCD relationships, as well as what the choices are if the sufferer ends the relationship.
To understand Relationship OCD, one would need to understand the basics of OCD. By the time a reader is finished with this book, he or she will likely know more about Relationship OCD and OCD than was expected. Additionally, partners can learn how to get sufferers to recognize their disorder, which is the first step to getting help.
Exceptionally helpful information is provided, including details of medication and therapy commonly used for OCD cases. Also, alternatives, including over-the-counter supplements,plants (including marijuana), and "alternative" medicine are also discussed in detail. This book is one of very few written about Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, and even fewer written for partners in these often painful relationships

Author: D. M. Kay
Publisher: Independent Publisher
Year Published: 2008
Copyright© 2008
ISBN: 978-1-60702-852-9
List Price: $26.00 (USD)
Pages: 189
File Size: 1.13MB

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Table of Contents for Sleeping with ROCD: Power for the Co-Sufferer of Relationship OCD

Table of Contents for Relationship OCD book


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Introduction (content is copy-protected)

"Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is widely unrecognized as a special form of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Internet searches typically provide little results for those looking for information about the issue. Therapists and other professionals often are not aware of the problem and don't know how to treat it properly.
Many relationships are affected by ROCD, yet most people don't realize it. These are often classified as unfortunate normal occurrences because of incompatibility. If ROCD received more attention, it is possible that many relationships may have been saved and fewer hearts broken. Such is the tragedy of an unrecognized mental disorder.
The purpose of this book is to provide much-needed insights and information to those desperate to understand Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Perhaps if a book is written about it, it may draw more attention from professionals and more understanding and better treatments may follow.
As of now, ROCD would be treated as do other OCD cases. The problem is that ROCD manifests differently from most traits of OCD. For example, responses to anxiety are not typically portrayed in an observable behavior. The obsessional behavior of ROCD takes place in the privacy of the sufferer's mind, making it easier to hide and harder to detect.
This presents difficulties for normal OCD treatments to be effective, as many, including CBT, focus primarily on what can be observed. ERP (Exposure and Response Prevention) focuses on resisting responses (behaviors) that result from anxiety.
Because the responses take place in the mind, rather than observable behaviors, ERP would probably take longer and would be less effective than in other cases of OCD.
For these reasons it seems imperative that someone speaks up about ROCD and calls for further investigation. Without this, ROCD may continue to go on undetected, untreated and uncontrolled. This result is tragic for both sufferers and their partners.
This book was written for the partners in these relationships; to help identify ROCD, understand it, and protect themselves from the damages often incurred in these relationships. Many partners don't know what to do and suffer significant sadness due to ROCD. This book is intended to bring some relief to these partners, give them power to address ROCD, and protect their relationships from disaster."


Copyright © 2008 D. M. Kay All Rights Reserved.

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Excerpt from Chapter One: "What is Relationship Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder?"
(Excerpt content is copy-protected)

"Is it Mr. Or Ms. Right?
ROCD sufferers can experience obsessions over sexual orientation. This is a feature not exclusive to ROCD; it is a common trait of OCD. In ROCD, this occurs following a series of unsuccessful relationships with partners of the opposite sex. The sufferer may think, “Since I haven't been able to feel love for the women in my life, perhaps I am gay.” They may test themselves for clues of homosexuality. The person may imagine circumstances where homosexual acts take place to test emotional response. In some cases, the person will actually engage in this activity in effort to confirm or disqualify the idea.

Is this Love?
ROCD can hinder a person's ability to enjoy moments of intimacy or what would normally be an enjoyable experience between partners. Instead, he or she is analyzing emotional response. Unable to relax and enjoy..." End of Excerpt

Copyright © 2008 D. M. Kay All Rights Reserved.

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Last updated: January 31, 2014